We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
Randomize
