Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
it was like eating out sand paper
Girls should come with a carfax report
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
