This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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