I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
he's just a really huge penis that sells weed
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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