Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
