had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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