he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize