he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
He ate me out while I was wearing a canada goose parka and a dress hand crafted by a seamstress from yellowknife. I came while watching the northern lights. Most arctic orgasm ever.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
