We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
Randomize
