Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
Randomize
