I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
