I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
Apparently campus cops frown on lighting a joint off of the eternal flame on Jerry Falwell's grave...
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
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