My hair reeks of homosexuality.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
