i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
The only difference between us and a pack of 14 year old girls is substance abuse
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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