Your dad touched me again.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
