I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
