just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
when I went into his room, he was sleeping on his stomach, almost as if to silently say, "you're not touching my dick tonight".
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I'm not trying to analyze you I'm just saying you are being unfair to soup
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
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