you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Randomize
