sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
