So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
Randomize
