So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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