your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
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