What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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