Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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