I CAN MOONWALK!
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
