I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
