The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
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