I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I nicked my vulva while shaving and I'm about to go on a date where I will be having sex. Which bandaid: My Little Pony or princesses?
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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