everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
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