Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
