Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
Randomize
