i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
