just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
So they found him after the wedding still dressed up in his feather boa and top hat passed out in a bush...
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
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