You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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