I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
