I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
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