I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
