So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
