I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Randomize
