She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
You've discovered your super power: Your Vagina
Randomize
