Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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