He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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