My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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