these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Someone shit on the floor
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
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