Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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