its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
