I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
Randomize
