i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
