she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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