I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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